trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
