Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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