the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
