I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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