Pregnant stripper...not hot.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
