It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
