3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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