My friends, they love my intelligence
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
