omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
