it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
