He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
