Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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