Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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