No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
