why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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