Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
