Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
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