3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
