I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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