so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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