It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
