I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am naked and annoyed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
