Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
do nipples grow back?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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