Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
