go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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