I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
