Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
my poor anus
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
