Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
