i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
