im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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