someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
