She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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