My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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