I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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