um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
