I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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