I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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