Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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