im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
