Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
