Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
