He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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