dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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