Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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