so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
