You just made me feel so damn special
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
