3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
