You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
