You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
