There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
