Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
