Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
