Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
