I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
